I wrote a list something like that before I met Kenyon. 10 things I need in the next guy I date. And then, like the kids from Mary Poppins, my list just materialized in a person. Hmm. We're still working on our relationship. I hate when he yells. He hates that I've got to FEEL like he listened to me before I quit arguing. But I said "I do" because I wanted to. And then we said we'd never say the "D" word (divorce). He said we shouldn't use holding out on sex as a weapon of anger. I said if he wanted a cigarette on a rare occasion, fine, but don't even TRY to kiss me after. We both said, no silent treatment, and before we got smart, we said no going to bed on a fight. (Now we realize we're both insane when we haven't slept, so sometimes it's ok if we agree to resume and resolve after a good rest.)
I wish we could pray together more often. I wish we didn't have to work so hard at it lately. He's the kind of guy you want to raise your kids, and the kind of guy who'll surprise you with his depth. But he's a normal guy. I need him. He snores. He warms my cold feet. He makes me coffee in the morning and always remembers to kiss me good bye when he leaves for work. He only teases me a little when I fall asleep during the movie.
I love him because I was meant to love him. He says he knew it when he saw me the first time. I know it now, and I think I always will.
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Stace-- I like how you describe K. How the list you made fifteen years or so, ago, is similar, and how, like Mary Poppins, he appeared. Maybe we see what we want to see. You see such good things. More than anything, I like the real feel of things-- that sometimes there's yelling, that it's difficult to listen and be heard, and sometimes things can't be settled before sleep, in fact, sleep is needed first, and that he can smoke, but you're not interested in an awful tasting kiss. And then there are little kindnesses-- making coffee and warming of feet. He still snores.
I wish I knew the both of you better-- the way you love each other. Would you tell me more stories? How is it when he's traveling? What do you do when you're tired and bored and sick of cleaning the house and don't have energy for exercising or the attention span to read, and you're just plain miserable? Maybe this has nothing to do with him.... I don't even know what I'm talking about any more.... Just keep writing. I need your stories.
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