Still learning

I'm enjoying learning Twitter... Focusing on using just a few words to describe infinite thought is a serious challenge... Follow me at @MsGleason to see my successes, failures, and discoveries.

fresh

I went canoeing the other day with friends on Skunk Creek. After a day of hard work, it was so good to be out on the water. Delicious. The trip was probably not so great for those who dipped into the water, but my rowing partner and I navigated well. I loved it! Can't wait for the next time!

closing a door

I looked at my job posted for all to see. Wow. It feels so surreal. In eight days, I will be walking on an uncharted path. I'll be choosing my kids again. A good choice. I need to focus on the positives and the actives, and get moving in the right direction.

What next? I don't know. I feel too old not to know.

I'll get to see the activities, and be there for follow up and back up and probably the throw up too.

Moving forward. I wonder which doors will open now?

Charlie bit my finger - again !

One of the kids fav videos....

How do you do it?

I've been married for 15 years. Lately I've been asked by friends, married and divorced alike, how do you do it? It's a very difficult thing to answer. The best way I can describe it is it's like asking a really good cook: what's your recipe? But all they can say is they just keep throwing things in the pot, a little at a time, a handful at a time, and constantly tasting to see if it worked.

So I've been thinking about what has made our marriage work. I thought about combining what I thought both of us would say, and I decided against it. I only know what makes this relationship work for me. If you want his side of it, you'll have to find his blog. (Something like LMNO...PR or something, if he'll write a complimentary article. Who knows?)

But I think, for K and I, one of the biggest things that works for our 15 year marriage is a shared faith. We both believe in God, America, and family. We have some differences of opinion in these areas, but on the big issues anyway, we share the same ideals. We started praying together before we got married. We weren't very good at it, and still we stumble. We feel like we should pray more, but often we don't. We share a belief that marriage is a sacred union between a man, a woman and God. That's all it should be, and, for me, it's an identity to be proud of. I think because we acknowledge with this idea, that we're not in control. God is. For us, our relationship is awe-inspiring because we don't feel like we put it together - God did. The timing, the way we just "fit," and why we make it when other great people really struggle is just beyond our comprehension. We are grateful to each other for our couplehood, but so much more grateful to God for letting us have this...gift.

Along with my marriage ideals I should point out, I personally respect civil unions, long term relationships, and other joint/life partnerships, but if you don't have the one-man, one-woman, and God pieces, I don't think it should be called a "marriage." It's just not. It might be good in every way, but it's something different than what I have for historical and spiritual reasons. Being able to call what I have a "marriage" makes it something sacred, something I want to protect, and something I hope other people will honor and respect because they know the definition too. I think how each of us defines marriage is a big deal. K and I still talk about expectations of each other in our marriage (Well, I ask him to talk about it, and he does because he respects me.) Being able to talk about what defines "us" gives us a reason to continue and gives us a check-up on each other and how it's going. Every team must have something that defines and identifies them. K and my definition of marriage has been a work in-progress, but something we have in-common since the start.

The next thing that helps keep us friends in our marriage is finding things that we both like to do together and DOING them together. We both like food some foods, so we eat them together. It's our thing. We both like watching movies, so we try to watch movies together. We both like going to Outdoor shows, so we go. We tell the same silly stories from our past together because it makes those warm feelings come back, (We tease about the bad stories too, but we don't haunt each other with the big mistakes. It can really hurt to be reminded about short-comings.) I think our favorite thing to do together is dreaming together. We might never do some of the things we dream about, but it gives us a mental picture of our life together later on. Sometimes we talk about going on a rollercoasters vacation - just the two of us, sometimes we talk about selling everything and jumping in an RV after the kids have grown and traveling the US. Sometimes our dreams don't match, like I'd like to live in an urban loft that's close enough to walk to work or restaurants or entertainment. K would like a shack in ND that he could live in during the warm months of his retirement and hunt. Well, we have to compromise on some of those... but it keeps us in-tune with each other's hopes and dreams. I feel supported when I take a risk to share my silly ideas, and I feel good supporting K in his. It's never perfect, but in a marriage, we have to be ok with that. Life's not perfect, why should we expect marriage to be? It sometimes takes a little work to figure out what we like to do together. Sometimes one or the other of us is feeling like going out, and the other one wants to stay in. We compromise and try to stay positive. It's not always easy and sometimes the fun-hater ruins it for the go-getter. Then we re-evaluate next time.

So when we don't click and re-evaluating gets hard, then what? Well, that's not easy. First we have to be patient and try to ride out the storm. We have to allow each other bad days, even bad seasons, but then if it becomes too much, somebody's gotta have the guts to say something. That courageous soul has to say it directly to the other person in the most kind way possible. And if a fight comes up, both people have to agree on "fight rules." Some of our fight rules have consisted of 1) No name calling. 2) No accusations using "ultimatum" words like, "You always..." or "You never..." because it's a pretty rare occurence if someone ALWAYS or NEVER does or doesn't do ANYTHING. Instead saying, "I feel like you don't..." or some other "I feel..." sort of statement shows ownership of the opinion. 3) No silent treatment. "Rest and revisit" is ok, but dropping a conversation (like hanging up on a spouse on the phone) or trying to punish someone by not talking to them is not putting the relationship and the issue at-hand first. Good communication is key. 4) Avoiding sarcasm is important. Sarcasm can be mean-spirited and misinterpreted. 5) Never say the "d" word. (Divorce) We've agreed on this from the very beginning. We actually talked about it right away. When we got married we said we'd never say it as an option, so it never has been. Things come up in fights, and emotion can run amuck, so talking about the "rules of engagement" in a somewhat peaceful time sets up a good mindset for the more difficult times. We both read about what healthy communication was at one point because we didn't know what it should be. That helped, but "no 'd' word" was one point we agreed upon pretty nonchalantly even before that. It has been one thing that has made our marriage easier. We have to take care of each other because we're stuck with each other FOREVER, but we also care for each other because we know there's one other person who's on our team - no matter what.

There have been a lot of other "little things" that could have led to big problems in our marriage, but we were just so busy, we didn't stop our lives long enough to let them be.We want the marriage to work, so we aren't looking for the bad stuff. Reasonable distraction and allowing each other healthy space keeps our marriage sane too. It's not all peaches and cream, but it is fun for us most of the time because we work at it - separately and together - and we share common tastes, which stirs back to that cooking metaphor. I don't know how we do all of what we do. I really do love K. He loves me. We try to balance, re-evaluate, and communicate because we share a common goal. I've had great examples in our families, and some great friends and neighbors who were/are married "until death do us part". It seems simple for us, but, then again, I'm glad we don't understand all of what makes our marriage work yet, because, God willing, I have a lot more time to figure it out.

What rings true in what I said? Anything that makes your marriage or other relationship work? Leave a comment...

Why do I love him?

He has beautiful eyes. I love when he holds my hand. He's very intelligent. He can fix things, most of the time better than I can. He sings. He likes sports. He doesn't take himself too seriously. He is comfortable to hang out with, no matter who you are. He's taller than me. He believes in Jesus. And he likes kids.

I wrote a list something like that before I met Kenyon. 10 things I need in the next guy I date. And then, like the kids from Mary Poppins, my list just materialized in a person. Hmm. We're still working on our relationship. I hate when he yells. He hates that I've got to FEEL like he listened to me before I quit arguing. But I said "I do" because I wanted to. And then we said we'd never say the "D" word (divorce). He said we shouldn't use holding out on sex as a weapon of anger. I said if he wanted a cigarette on a rare occasion, fine, but don't even TRY to kiss me after. We both said, no silent treatment, and before we got smart, we said no going to bed on a fight. (Now we realize we're both insane when we haven't slept, so sometimes it's ok if we agree to resume and resolve after a good rest.) 

I wish we could pray together more often. I wish we didn't have to work so hard at it lately. He's the kind of guy you want to raise your kids, and the kind of guy who'll surprise you with his depth. But he's a normal guy. I need him. He snores. He warms my cold feet. He makes me coffee in the morning and always remembers to kiss me good bye when he leaves for work. He only teases me a little when I fall asleep during the movie.

I love him because I was meant to love him. He says he knew it when he saw me the first time. I know it now, and I think I always will. 

healthier today than I was yesterday

I walked with the dog this morning. I only went a mile, which is actually a step backwards from where I was last week. Last week, I ran 1.2 miles and felt really good, but I haven't done my stretching, therapy, or any real walking since. So today, I'm back starting over a bit. But I feel good, and I really got out there and did the best I could today.

Running is liberating. I'm looking for a good 5k and even thought about a mini-triathlon. I need to switch it up a bit because I'm getting stale sitting around like this. Today was a good start. Isn't starting the beginning?

Up Late, Cold Toes

There's work to be done, but who wants to do it at 11pm? Ya, not me. I think I'd rather go to bed and warm up my cold feet. I should, but I wanted to write this down quick before I forgot. So, I was cleaning today, and I came across a small photo album with pictures of my kids, my husband, my parents, my (now dead) dog, and a few of my friends cute kids. I looked at so many of those pages and I thought, I have an amazing life. I have so much joy. And I am so blessed. Life is good to me. Woowhooo!

With Pebbles at my feet...

Last week, a dog walked onto our yard. She was the third stray in probably a year. She was a big Golden Retriever, beautiful actually. We played with her, fed her and eventually found out her owner really is having a bad go of it, so we ended up delivering her to the nearest shelter. But not before we thought of names for her...Whiskey, Zena the Warrior Princess, Hera (wife of Zeus - Zeus is the Rottweiler that lives next door), and Vega - like a falling star. But we let her go.

Our dog, Pebbles, came back from getting spayed a little while after that. She's a good little dog, a little on the submissive side, but we're working on helping her build confidence. A little petting here, a little reassurance there. Hopefully she'll learn to sit pretty.

But my question is this: why do we get so attached to these animals? Pebbles is silly, distracted, and a little whiny. But I think I speak for the whole family when I say she's just one of the bunch of us now. It's fun to be with her when she's experiencing new things. It's hard to figure out how to redirect her weird behaviors, like shying away from passing vehicles when we're on a run. I like her so much, I'm even looking for another Brittany. Know where I can get one?

Where will I be in 10 years?

It's a snow day. The first snow day I've experienced as a teacher (well, I'm still a sub, and I was scheduled for today for about 15 minutes until they called school off, but you get the idea.) 

So I was thinking because I have time today that I was asked recently, where will I be in 10 years? That's a difficult question to answer when you're me. I answered, I'll probably be teaching somewhere, several of my children will have graduated from high school and be moving on in their lives, but 2 will still be with us at home, although I don't know where "home" will be for certain. I will be 46 years old, and married 25 years! Hopefully, I'll be planning a trip somewhere...

Then I got to thinking, 10 years ago, am I now where I thought I would be? Hmm. I suppose I thought I'd have a crowd of kids and still be with my awesome husband, but I didn't know much  about the 3 boys that I was still going to have. I think 10 years ago, I would have doubted that I would have my college degree, but now I do have it. Check one off in the "success" column. Some of the other cool things I've done in the last 10 years? Going to Yemane's wedding ranks toward the top. Going to Nashville was wonderful. Seeing Las Vegas was a mixed deal. Visiting the art museums in Kansas City and Omaha was really cool. I loved hearing the symphony, and some of the other events I've been fortunate to be audience to with my husband. I've learned to be a much better cook - even though I didn't really desire that - is an accomplishment anyway. Keeping in touch with long distance friends. Being an auntie to some really cool nieces and nephews, and becoming friends again with my sister. Being a writer. I'm in love, and I'm being loved, in a way that I never knew was possible which is probably the best of all.  

But I also thought I would have traveled more than I have. It's ok that I've been to a few states, but, seriously, there's more out there than what my limited view has been. I assumed we might move the family to somewhere east or south. In my fantasy world, I thought I might get a job that would require me to travel somewhere once in awhile, if not regularly. Oh well. Something for the next stage, right? I guess the idea is to set a priority and work toward it. So if you're a mom of 5, in college again, and hoping to see the world, what's the next step I take to see it all?

What else will happen in the next 10 years? I hope to meet a lot of really cool people and experience their culture, even if it's different families just like mine. I want to have a few more snow days like this. It's really beautiful. And I want to keep running because I feel stronger than I have for a long time (the only time I felt stronger was when I used to swim in college, and when I hiked Teddy Roosevelt Nat'l Park at like 7 months pregnant with Jackson.) I'd like to build more confidence and become a better public speaker... although those goals seem distant. Other than that, I'll be just as curious as everyone else to see what happens... 

Bikes and Teaching Better Writing Skills

So Casey wanted to ride his bike to school today. We'd previously talked about this, so I wasn't too surprised. It's homecoming week, and he and Jackson have been a little excited, so I guess that pushed him to decided today was the day. 

We live on a fairly busy highway which is especially busy in the mornings as people go to work, young people drive to school, busses run their routes, so I sucked in my mom-anxiety and said, "yes." I needed to work out yet this morning anyway, so I told Casey I'd come along. Jackson overheard the positive reply and said he'd come too. Ok. So we got out the helmets, which Casey said were going to give him helmet head, and we adjusted the helmets so they were the most comfortable. Dad came out and gave a little bass to my helmet argument, so they put them on. I had to get ready quick and adjust my helmet, and we were off.

We goofed around a little on the road as we started, but then got serious when some cars approached. Jackson had to stop to adjust the height of his seat on the way (the kid grows an inch between bike rides, I swear.) I gave them instructions for the ride home, and I let them go once we were in town. Casey called back, "Bye Mom!" Jackson stopped dead in front of my bike, and I almost ran into him, but I forgave him because it was to give me one last good bye hug, and off they went. I drove home by myself. 

What a great way to begin a day! There's no wind. It's probably in the low 60's. Not a cloud in the sky. A little dew on the grass. Sweet. I love to be the hero sometimes too. (And they don't even care that they're getting a little more exercise today!) Woohoo!

I'm a novice worker-outer, so I'll let you know what comes out next. 

Wisdom begins in wonder...

How this blog started: My first real assignment for my Master's is to learn a little about Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato's vision of education. I suppose it's fitting to begin my trek into teaching with a study of the philosophies of Socrates since I've been using his quote when to sign my email for a few years: "Wisdom begins in wonder."  I've wondered and wondered about a teaching career, and I'm now embarking on the journey to find out. This blog is one of the next assignments, but I've been wanting a reason to blog for awhile now.

So a little about me... in case you wonder. I'm a mom, plain and simple. But I've got these wonderful 5 boys and tantalizing husband that mix it up for me. I'm not a super-Mom by any definition. I forget things. I burn food regularly. I usually have lots of dust and laundry waiting for me. I bicker at my husband. I don't pray enough. But my intentions are good. I try to be as involved as possible with the kids. I try to keep my husband "interested and excited." I work really hard to keep everyone healthy. My family is always number 1 on my list, which is probably why my "stuff" falls further down the list somewhere. Usually when I meet people, they wonder how I do it all. I used to, but it tired me out. Now I just put one foot in front of the other and distract myself with other stuff.

As a student, I'm ambitious. It makes me giddy when there's something new to learn. I try to stay organized. I hope I can find ways to keep every student engaged when I'm the teacher. My field is English. (This is the part about the "Words" if you missed that.) My "field" philosophy is that you need to read to be a good writer (If you've read a good book lately, please comment!), and you need a lot of revision to be a good writer, and if you're a good writer, you'll be more successful in the rest of your life. You don't need to be wordy; you do need to be understood. Asking questions is the only way to understand. Do you get what I'm saying? Currently, I'm a substitute teacher, and I'm learning a lot with every position I step into. I hope to share some of my adventures here.

So, the woman part. I'm not a girly girl. I don't mind snakes or rodents, if I'm not surprised by them. I like to dig in the dirt. I like to wear a sexy dress now and then, but I hate lace. If I'm having a bad hair day, the rest of the day is going to be a challenge too. Pink is not my favorite color, brown is. But pink is often a complement to brown these days. I like fashion. I like flowers - growing and receiving them, not wearing them. I'm my husband's #1 fan. My new hobby is running. I've never been really athletic, but accomplishing a run that's a little further, or a little faster, or that makes me feel stronger than before is motivating for the rest of my life. I like girl talk, dancing, and chic flicks. I like to eat, I don't mind baking, but I'm not a fan of cooking even though I'm the default cook in-house (see the above comment about burning food.) I'm pro-life for the best interest of women, both the unborn baby girls and the mothers (and their little boys too). I have found, at least in my house, that if I don't create an environment that feels like "home," no one else is going to, and the whole family is more stressed because of it. So I think my main role here is to be a homemaker. If I truly want to make a bigger difference in the world, I can delegate to my 5 children and teach them to care about and affect a bigger world around them. They and my husband can do much more if they are well prepared than I could ever do when we all are scattered in the head because we have no "home" to rest in. Everyone says people can do anything they want, but they should include that you don't have to do everything to be truly great.

In this blog, I will talk about books, self-discovery, a little politics and current events, teaching and learning, and a lot about being a mom. Please don't think of me as a super hero with a golden lasso in a stars & stripes bikini. I'm more of a jeans and stars-n-stripes-t-shirted van driver wielding a keyboard. My hope is to connect my thoughts to things around me. I hope to make it interesting for you, so we can all have fun.

Cheers!